Angel Eyes
by Red Shoe Kitty
Summary: Dean had never thought about all the events Castiel had witnessed in his long existence until he is awoken in the night by a distraught angel.


_There's someone in the room!_

Between one breath and the next, Dean Winchester was wide awake, on his feet and pointing his gun at the shadowy shape by the window. A familiar voice spoke.

"Dean?"

Dean relaxed, "Cas? What the hell? Is everything OK?"

"Yes...yes. I just...I just wanted to see you."

The room was briefly illuminated by the headlights of a passing car and Dean drew a shocked breath. His friend looked pale and exhausted. "Cas what's the matter?"

"I...I..." the angel swayed on his feet, "it doesn't matter. I should go. My apologies for disturbing you."

"Whoa! No, Cas. Please stay." Dean put down his gun and beckoned, "C'mere."

Reluctantly Castiel moved to stand in front of Dean who scrutinised his ashen face carefully before coming to a decision, "OK," he said, "take your shoes off." Castiel opened his mouth to object but Dean was having none of it, "Take them off," he repeated, "the coat and the jacket too." With a bewildered expression the angel complied. "Good," said Dean approvingly, "now the rest is up to you but I think you would be more comfortable in just your boxers."

"Dean I..."

"Your call, dude." Tentatively Castiel stripped down to his underwear, Dean raised an eyebrow, "Andrew Christian," he murmured approvingly, "very nice." He stripped himself off and climbed back into his bed, scooted over and lifted the covers invitingly, "now, get in." Castiel climbed in beside Dean who pulled him close, "talk to me, Cas."

Castiel sighed, "I should not have come. I just wanted to see you," he began, "I wanted to look upon something...something..." he trailed off and sighed again. "I should not burden you with this."

"Cas, c'mon, it's me, man. There is nothing that you cannot say to me so tell me what's wrong and we will try to fix it together, like we always do, OK?"

"Nothing can fix this,"

Dean held him firmly, "C'mon man...tell me."

"It's my eyes."

Dean placed a finger under Castiel's chin and tilted his head so that he could look into the seraph's face, "They look OK to me. I think they are very pretty eyes."

"Huh," Cas ground the heels of his hands against his eye sockets until the skin around them was red and inflamed.

Gently Dean captured Castiel's hands and held them between his own, "Stop that. Hurting yourself is not helping. Tell me, what is up with your eyes?"

"I have existed for millennia, Dean. I will exist until the end of eternity. I am old, so very very old. There have been so many vessels, so many times I have personified celestial intent. Do you never wonder, Dean, what I have witnessed, what I have seen with my eyes?"

"Well, I..."

"I saw the first murder, I will see the last. I have and will see every war, every act of torture, every petty unkindness, every extinction, every grief, every abuse, every meanness, every tragedy - natural, human and God-made. So much pain, so much suffering, I have seen it all. And I am forbidden by my Father to intervene, all I can do is observe."

Dean felt sick, he had never thought about this before. How, he wondered, had Castiel remained functional, never mind sane, under such a burden? He placed a long kiss against the angel's temple and held him tighter, "Cas, I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

"Why do you think I do not sleep? There is no rest to be had when the night terrors merely replicate and magnify what I witness when awake. I just wanted to look upon something beautiful, something that gives me pleasure."

"So you came to me?" Dean was nonplussed

"I was weak, I know." Castiel began to move away from Dean to the edge of the bed. "I told you I should not have come."

Dean grasped him even tighter, "No! Cas, wait. I'm trying to understand. Why? Why me?"

"Your soul is so bright and warm. It calls to me, it draws me in and soothes me. It blanks out the noise of human agony. It scintillates and fills my vision so that the dark is subsumed and diminished. It's every sunset, every moon rise, every random act of kindness, every caring gesture, every joyful birth, every peaceful death. Why do you think I watch over you when you sleep? You are precious to me because your light helps me balance the dark."

Dean placed another soft kiss against Cas temple, " I had no idea," he whispered again, "what can I do? How can I help?"

"Dean...I am so tired."

"Then sleep. I will watch over you."

Hesitantly, Castiel closed his eyes and tried to let go. On the edge of this consciousness hovered a tenebrous and threatening figure. He tensed, ready to fight, but before it could reach him a bright light filled his mind, dissolving the darkness, and he heard Dean say, "Relax, Cas. I have you."

For the rest of the night, Dean Winchester watched over his angel and Castiel slept.


End file.
